a picture of my heart...

over the last several weeks this song has become a favorite of mine...i think it pretty much captures my heart right now...

Set the World on Fire
Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

so far...

it's hard to believe that i've been in dallas for 3 1/2 weeks! it's had its ups and downs and there have been moments when i have questioned why in the world i am here, but i must say that it's been an amazing journey thus far. it's difficult to put the experience into words, but i will try...

i. love. wbc. i couldn't ask for a better place to be this semester. it's an amazing place that has a great grasp of what it means to be the church, not only to the members of the congregation but to their community here in dallas and the rest of the world. it's a great thing to be a part of. not only is it a great internship experience, but other than my home church in l-town and my summer in california, i haven't been a part of a church that i have felt so loved and accepted. i look forward to going to chuch every sunday so that i can worship with this new family i have found. it's a-mazing.

the big city is ok. i didn't think i would be able to do it, i didn't think that dallas would be a place i could EVER be comfortable in, but i am realizing that it's really not that bad. while i am not sure i could do it forever, it's definitely a possibility for the short term. i enjoy everything being at my fingertips.

internship is slowly, but surely, happening. i have the awesome opportunity to work with GREAT people who are GREAT at their jobs/ministries. i am co-facilitating a grief group, which i feel extremely honored to be a part of. to be a part of the grieving process, to walk alongside these individuals, is truly sacred. i am getting to share my passion, social work, with individuals at wbc. i have met some amazing older adults from whom i can learn so much. planning service events for congregants so that they are able to give back to their communities is exciting and rewarding.

so, that's just a snapshot of life right now and a few thoughts about it. hope that life in your neck of the woods is going well.

update.

it's time for an update. this one might be short, but i hope to update more faithfully over the next several months so that this blog will actually prove to be functional rather than just something that exists.

some of the exciting happenings in my life over the last 6 months:
-survived (and enjoyed) an intense summer session of graduate school
-survived (and semi-enjoyed) an intense fall semester of graduate school
-learned that i love social work more than i could possibly imagine
-learning to be content with my relationship status
-learning to live with big questions
-learning to live with peace that passes all understanding
-learning to trust HIM in everything
-had my last "first day" of school
-moved to dallas and started my internship
-made amazing new friends in my graduate program
-celebrated the holidays with those that mean the most to me:my family!
-started 2009 in the middle of a cow pasture sitting on a four wheeler playing "gestapo" with my favorite teenagers while contemplating all of the exciting changes that are going to happen in the coming months

life is good right now. i can't imagine being anywhere else doing anything else. these are exciting times. i can't wait to see where God takes me.

quotes...

so, grad school is going well...it's tough, but it's good. i've never felt such a peace about being somewhere doing something in my life. it's incredible. i know that God has great things instore for me as i learn more about being a social worker and what that looks like in the context of the church. here are some of the quotes that have really stood out to me as i have worked the last couple of weeks...they have all to do with church social work/community ministry...they've changed my life...

“Good deeds and good news can’t and shouldn’t be separated. It’s not really ‘church’ if it’s not engaged in the life of the community through ministry and service to others.” –Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson, The Externally Focused Church (2004)

“It is not you who shapes God, it is God who shapes you
If then you are the work of God, await the hand of the artist
Who does all things in due season.
Offer God your heart, soft and tractable,
And keep the form in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
Lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of God’s fingers.”
-Irenaeus Shalem News, www.shalem.org

“We love because God first loved us; worthiness is not a factor.” –Legacies of Care

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” -1 Peter 4:8-10 (NIV)

“To believe you can approach transcendence without drawing nearer in compassion to suffering humanity is to fool yourself. There can be no genuine personal religious conversion without a change in social attitude.” –William Sloane Coffin, Credo

“To find the kingdom is the easiest thing in the world but also the most difficult. Easy because it is all around you and within you, and all you have to do is reach out and take possession of it. Difficult because if you wish to possess the kingdom you may possess nothing else. That is, you must drop all inward leaning on any person or thing, withdrawing from them forever the power to thrill you, or excite you, or to give you a feeling of security or well-being. For this you first need to see with unflinching clarity this simple and shattering truth: Contrary to what your culture and religion have taught you, nothing, but absolutely nothing can make you happy. The moment you see that, you will stop moving from one job to another, one place, one spiritual technique, one guru to another. None of these things can give you a single minute of happiness.” –Anthony de Mello, The Way to Love

jonah

since graduation i have been working at the church i grew up in l-town as the children's ministry intern. i have a week left and it's another bittersweet ending in my life. i have enjoyed my time here, but i'm ready to go back to baylor and start graduate school. i believe that my calling has become more defined and clear and i'm ready to get back to school so that i can continue to work through all of that. bring it on grad school.

in other happenings, i have been leading the children's Bible study/worship on sunday evenings for the past month. it's been an experience because there are only like 2-5 kids there every week, but i think i have learned more than i've ever been able to teach them. we've been studying stories in the Old Testament in the context of the history of the world. hopefully it hasn't been as boring as it sounds here. :) we've studied creation, the exodus, and king david so far. as i have read these stories again that i have read and heard a thousand times, God has been so faithful to provide new insight and new learning to me. i hope i have been able to convey that to the kids that come on sunday nights.

so anyway, the point of this blog is to share some of those things that God has been teaching me and some things i've noticed for the firsr time this week as i have studied the good 'ole story of jonah.

-jonah told the other people on the boat what he was doing---running away from the Lord. wow. jonah knew exactly what he was doing when he ran away and he still did it. why don't i realize that that is what i am doing when i start to run away? why do i still go when i do realize what i'm doing? wouldn't it be easier to stop and turn back to God? jonah sure did have to go through a lot before he decided to follow the Lord again.

-after jonah told the men to throw him in the sea, the men in the boat continued to try to fix the situation themselves. "instead, the men did their best to row back to land" (v. 13). that is me to a T! even after i've been given some sort of direction, i still try to do things on my own so many times because i think that my way is still the best way. why am i such an idiot sometimes?? just like the men in the boat, it's only when i finally realize that i can't do it my way do i cry out to the Lord.

-it usually takes a lot longer than 3 days and 3 nights "in the belly of a big fish" for me to figure out that i need to turn back to God and follow Him in obedience, but i'm working on it. i'm working at obeying Him when He calls.

-i can identify with jonah on so many levels with the whole "getting angry at God because He is a compassionate God" thing. why in the world am i like this? what am i thinking? do i really think i have a right to be mad at God because He has grace and compassion on other people that i think deserve His wrath? i know i have a long way to go in this area, i think we all probably do, but i'm working on it. i'm working to love people more every day and see them with God's eyes and not my own.

-God is concerned about those that are not on the path that lead to Him. He has called me to love those people and meet them where they are and allow Him to draw them to Himself. He has called me to walk alongside them and show them what loving people and loving Jesus is all about (even though it is obvious from this posting that i don't have that all figured out yet). i love it and can't wait to continue to work fulfill this calling.

God has been good this summer and He will continue to be good. He has taught me so much. i can't wait to continue to learn and grow deeper in Him. i can't wait to see what's next. i want to be more like Him and less like myself.

Endings...

it's here...the end of college...i'm still not exactly sure how i feel about all of these things...but i decided to post anyway...so here goes for all 2 people out there that read this...

internship---i've done... i finished up my hours on thursday but i went back yesterday to get my evaluation signed and take care of some other paperwork. it was sad. i can't believe i have spent 480 hours there this year investing not only in the lives of clients, but also the lives of my coworkers other interns. i am going to miss walking into chaos and crisis every tuesday and thursday. my roommate is hoping that i won't create crisis in my life as a method of coping with this change.

KXA---senior send off was last night...i'm still here, but just barely. i never thought i would see the day when i was sad to leave because of all of the crap i had to deal with while i was the president and just drama in general, but i was truly sad to leave. most of my college memories have kxa in them and it will always be a part of my life because it has helped shaped who i am. i know that the friends that i made while in kxa will continue to be my friends (hopefully), but it will be difficult to know what to do with myself on tuesdays @ 6pm.

class---this one isn't sad. i'm so glad that it's over and the next time i'm in class it is because i have truly chosen to take those classes and they are something i am genuinely interested in. i am looking forward to not having to take math or science ever again...:)

undergrad in general---i've realized that saying "goodbye" is something that i am not good at AT ALL...i hate the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it...i know, i'm staying here to go to the grad school, but still, having to say goodbye for the summer is brutal...thank goodness i am going to be back in a few weeks...:)

i know that it will survive all of this, but it's been a little rough. i want to be able to celebrate everything that is going on and truly enjoy everything that is happening this week, but i find that hard to do. it's hard too because my friends are all dealing with this in really different ways and there aren't too many that are sad/sentimental about everything that is going on. but, i'm doing better every day...a little less sad, a little more happy...:)

a list...

so, i guess it's time for me to update this thing a little bit. there have been several times throughout the semester that i've considered writing, but i could never get a good grasp on what i wanted to write about or begin to try to put my thoughts and emotions about this being my last semester at school into words...

so instead of writing about what i'm doing or how i'm feeling, i thought i would start off with a list of things you might should know about me if you don't already know...i started it in my psychology of religion class today because i was bored and i've been thinking about some of these things a lot lately. there could probably be an entire post about each one of them...maybe someday i'll get around to that...so...here goes...:)

1) i complain about things that i really love. (Ex-my internship @ Child Protective Services...i complain about having to go twice a week, but in my heart i love it and i am going to miss it so much).

2) i am not very adventurous by nature, but i am learning how to be a little more each day.

3) i have an extreme love/hate relationship with my extended family.

4) i struggle with disclosing too much information about myself, especially with members of the opposite gender.

5) i may appear to think highly of myself, but i don't. sometimes i have self-esteem issues.

6) my nephews are the loves of my life. i will know when i have found "mr. right" because i will love him more than i love them.

7) i am not sure why, but large crisis events/situations are very interesting to me (Ex-El Dorado Polygamists situation, Branch Davidians, etc).

8) according to the StrengthsFinder, my strengths are Belief, Developer, Maximizer, Relator, Connectedness. i was originally a skeptic about whether those were my strengths, but now i believe it wholeheartedly.

9) i have a deep desire to change the world.

10) most of the time, i just need time to talk things through aloud with someone in order to make sense of something. i don't necessarily need anyone to talk back or give advice, i just need someone to listen to me ramble on and on until i can come to grips with something.

so there it is...10 things that you might not know about me that might be helpful...:) hope you enjoyed that...

now i hope that you will enjoy some pictures of my life from this semester...

@ my birthday party in January...

@ the Alpha Beta Acceptance Party with my super awesome roomie...

@ sing practice with the AWESOME kara bunting...

@ sing with my partners in crime...torrey and sally...

@ crush with one of my AWESOME great grandlittles caitlin

@ semi-formal with our stinking sweet DJ's

@ steppin' out with Aaron and Aaryka