so, grad school is going well...it's tough, but it's good. i've never felt such a peace about being somewhere doing something in my life. it's incredible. i know that God has great things instore for me as i learn more about being a social worker and what that looks like in the context of the church. here are some of the quotes that have really stood out to me as i have worked the last couple of weeks...they have all to do with church social work/community ministry...they've changed my life...
“Good deeds and good news can’t and shouldn’t be separated. It’s not really ‘church’ if it’s not engaged in the life of the community through ministry and service to others.” –Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson, The Externally Focused Church (2004)
“It is not you who shapes God, it is God who shapes you
If then you are the work of God, await the hand of the artist
Who does all things in due season.
Offer God your heart, soft and tractable,
And keep the form in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
Lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of God’s fingers.”
-Irenaeus Shalem News, www.shalem.org
“We love because God first loved us; worthiness is not a factor.” –Legacies of Care
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” -1 Peter 4:8-10 (NIV)
“To believe you can approach transcendence without drawing nearer in compassion to suffering humanity is to fool yourself. There can be no genuine personal religious conversion without a change in social attitude.” –William Sloane Coffin, Credo
“To find the kingdom is the easiest thing in the world but also the most difficult. Easy because it is all around you and within you, and all you have to do is reach out and take possession of it. Difficult because if you wish to possess the kingdom you may possess nothing else. That is, you must drop all inward leaning on any person or thing, withdrawing from them forever the power to thrill you, or excite you, or to give you a feeling of security or well-being. For this you first need to see with unflinching clarity this simple and shattering truth: Contrary to what your culture and religion have taught you, nothing, but absolutely nothing can make you happy. The moment you see that, you will stop moving from one job to another, one place, one spiritual technique, one guru to another. None of these things can give you a single minute of happiness.” –Anthony de Mello, The Way to Love
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
jonah
since graduation i have been working at the church i grew up in l-town as the children's ministry intern. i have a week left and it's another bittersweet ending in my life. i have enjoyed my time here, but i'm ready to go back to baylor and start graduate school. i believe that my calling has become more defined and clear and i'm ready to get back to school so that i can continue to work through all of that. bring it on grad school.
in other happenings, i have been leading the children's Bible study/worship on sunday evenings for the past month. it's been an experience because there are only like 2-5 kids there every week, but i think i have learned more than i've ever been able to teach them. we've been studying stories in the Old Testament in the context of the history of the world. hopefully it hasn't been as boring as it sounds here. :) we've studied creation, the exodus, and king david so far. as i have read these stories again that i have read and heard a thousand times, God has been so faithful to provide new insight and new learning to me. i hope i have been able to convey that to the kids that come on sunday nights.
so anyway, the point of this blog is to share some of those things that God has been teaching me and some things i've noticed for the firsr time this week as i have studied the good 'ole story of jonah.
-jonah told the other people on the boat what he was doing---running away from the Lord. wow. jonah knew exactly what he was doing when he ran away and he still did it. why don't i realize that that is what i am doing when i start to run away? why do i still go when i do realize what i'm doing? wouldn't it be easier to stop and turn back to God? jonah sure did have to go through a lot before he decided to follow the Lord again.
-after jonah told the men to throw him in the sea, the men in the boat continued to try to fix the situation themselves. "instead, the men did their best to row back to land" (v. 13). that is me to a T! even after i've been given some sort of direction, i still try to do things on my own so many times because i think that my way is still the best way. why am i such an idiot sometimes?? just like the men in the boat, it's only when i finally realize that i can't do it my way do i cry out to the Lord.
-it usually takes a lot longer than 3 days and 3 nights "in the belly of a big fish" for me to figure out that i need to turn back to God and follow Him in obedience, but i'm working on it. i'm working at obeying Him when He calls.
-i can identify with jonah on so many levels with the whole "getting angry at God because He is a compassionate God" thing. why in the world am i like this? what am i thinking? do i really think i have a right to be mad at God because He has grace and compassion on other people that i think deserve His wrath? i know i have a long way to go in this area, i think we all probably do, but i'm working on it. i'm working to love people more every day and see them with God's eyes and not my own.
-God is concerned about those that are not on the path that lead to Him. He has called me to love those people and meet them where they are and allow Him to draw them to Himself. He has called me to walk alongside them and show them what loving people and loving Jesus is all about (even though it is obvious from this posting that i don't have that all figured out yet). i love it and can't wait to continue to work fulfill this calling.
God has been good this summer and He will continue to be good. He has taught me so much. i can't wait to continue to learn and grow deeper in Him. i can't wait to see what's next. i want to be more like Him and less like myself.
in other happenings, i have been leading the children's Bible study/worship on sunday evenings for the past month. it's been an experience because there are only like 2-5 kids there every week, but i think i have learned more than i've ever been able to teach them. we've been studying stories in the Old Testament in the context of the history of the world. hopefully it hasn't been as boring as it sounds here. :) we've studied creation, the exodus, and king david so far. as i have read these stories again that i have read and heard a thousand times, God has been so faithful to provide new insight and new learning to me. i hope i have been able to convey that to the kids that come on sunday nights.
so anyway, the point of this blog is to share some of those things that God has been teaching me and some things i've noticed for the firsr time this week as i have studied the good 'ole story of jonah.
-jonah told the other people on the boat what he was doing---running away from the Lord. wow. jonah knew exactly what he was doing when he ran away and he still did it. why don't i realize that that is what i am doing when i start to run away? why do i still go when i do realize what i'm doing? wouldn't it be easier to stop and turn back to God? jonah sure did have to go through a lot before he decided to follow the Lord again.
-after jonah told the men to throw him in the sea, the men in the boat continued to try to fix the situation themselves. "instead, the men did their best to row back to land" (v. 13). that is me to a T! even after i've been given some sort of direction, i still try to do things on my own so many times because i think that my way is still the best way. why am i such an idiot sometimes?? just like the men in the boat, it's only when i finally realize that i can't do it my way do i cry out to the Lord.
-it usually takes a lot longer than 3 days and 3 nights "in the belly of a big fish" for me to figure out that i need to turn back to God and follow Him in obedience, but i'm working on it. i'm working at obeying Him when He calls.
-i can identify with jonah on so many levels with the whole "getting angry at God because He is a compassionate God" thing. why in the world am i like this? what am i thinking? do i really think i have a right to be mad at God because He has grace and compassion on other people that i think deserve His wrath? i know i have a long way to go in this area, i think we all probably do, but i'm working on it. i'm working to love people more every day and see them with God's eyes and not my own.
-God is concerned about those that are not on the path that lead to Him. He has called me to love those people and meet them where they are and allow Him to draw them to Himself. He has called me to walk alongside them and show them what loving people and loving Jesus is all about (even though it is obvious from this posting that i don't have that all figured out yet). i love it and can't wait to continue to work fulfill this calling.
God has been good this summer and He will continue to be good. He has taught me so much. i can't wait to continue to learn and grow deeper in Him. i can't wait to see what's next. i want to be more like Him and less like myself.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Endings...
it's here...the end of college...i'm still not exactly sure how i feel about all of these things...but i decided to post anyway...so here goes for all 2 people out there that read this...
internship---i've done... i finished up my hours on thursday but i went back yesterday to get my evaluation signed and take care of some other paperwork. it was sad. i can't believe i have spent 480 hours there this year investing not only in the lives of clients, but also the lives of my coworkers other interns. i am going to miss walking into chaos and crisis every tuesday and thursday. my roommate is hoping that i won't create crisis in my life as a method of coping with this change.
KXA---senior send off was last night...i'm still here, but just barely. i never thought i would see the day when i was sad to leave because of all of the crap i had to deal with while i was the president and just drama in general, but i was truly sad to leave. most of my college memories have kxa in them and it will always be a part of my life because it has helped shaped who i am. i know that the friends that i made while in kxa will continue to be my friends (hopefully), but it will be difficult to know what to do with myself on tuesdays @ 6pm.
class---this one isn't sad. i'm so glad that it's over and the next time i'm in class it is because i have truly chosen to take those classes and they are something i am genuinely interested in. i am looking forward to not having to take math or science ever again...:)
undergrad in general---i've realized that saying "goodbye" is something that i am not good at AT ALL...i hate the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it...i know, i'm staying here to go to the grad school, but still, having to say goodbye for the summer is brutal...thank goodness i am going to be back in a few weeks...:)
i know that it will survive all of this, but it's been a little rough. i want to be able to celebrate everything that is going on and truly enjoy everything that is happening this week, but i find that hard to do. it's hard too because my friends are all dealing with this in really different ways and there aren't too many that are sad/sentimental about everything that is going on. but, i'm doing better every day...a little less sad, a little more happy...:)
internship---i've done... i finished up my hours on thursday but i went back yesterday to get my evaluation signed and take care of some other paperwork. it was sad. i can't believe i have spent 480 hours there this year investing not only in the lives of clients, but also the lives of my coworkers other interns. i am going to miss walking into chaos and crisis every tuesday and thursday. my roommate is hoping that i won't create crisis in my life as a method of coping with this change.
KXA---senior send off was last night...i'm still here, but just barely. i never thought i would see the day when i was sad to leave because of all of the crap i had to deal with while i was the president and just drama in general, but i was truly sad to leave. most of my college memories have kxa in them and it will always be a part of my life because it has helped shaped who i am. i know that the friends that i made while in kxa will continue to be my friends (hopefully), but it will be difficult to know what to do with myself on tuesdays @ 6pm.
class---this one isn't sad. i'm so glad that it's over and the next time i'm in class it is because i have truly chosen to take those classes and they are something i am genuinely interested in. i am looking forward to not having to take math or science ever again...:)
undergrad in general---i've realized that saying "goodbye" is something that i am not good at AT ALL...i hate the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it...i know, i'm staying here to go to the grad school, but still, having to say goodbye for the summer is brutal...thank goodness i am going to be back in a few weeks...:)
i know that it will survive all of this, but it's been a little rough. i want to be able to celebrate everything that is going on and truly enjoy everything that is happening this week, but i find that hard to do. it's hard too because my friends are all dealing with this in really different ways and there aren't too many that are sad/sentimental about everything that is going on. but, i'm doing better every day...a little less sad, a little more happy...:)
Friday, April 18, 2008
a list...
so, i guess it's time for me to update this thing a little bit. there have been several times throughout the semester that i've considered writing, but i could never get a good grasp on what i wanted to write about or begin to try to put my thoughts and emotions about this being my last semester at school into words...
so instead of writing about what i'm doing or how i'm feeling, i thought i would start off with a list of things you might should know about me if you don't already know...i started it in my psychology of religion class today because i was bored and i've been thinking about some of these things a lot lately. there could probably be an entire post about each one of them...maybe someday i'll get around to that...so...here goes...:)
1) i complain about things that i really love. (Ex-my internship @ Child Protective Services...i complain about having to go twice a week, but in my heart i love it and i am going to miss it so much).
2) i am not very adventurous by nature, but i am learning how to be a little more each day.
3) i have an extreme love/hate relationship with my extended family.
4) i struggle with disclosing too much information about myself, especially with members of the opposite gender.
5) i may appear to think highly of myself, but i don't. sometimes i have self-esteem issues.
6) my nephews are the loves of my life. i will know when i have found "mr. right" because i will love him more than i love them.
7) i am not sure why, but large crisis events/situations are very interesting to me (Ex-El Dorado Polygamists situation, Branch Davidians, etc).
8) according to the StrengthsFinder, my strengths are Belief, Developer, Maximizer, Relator, Connectedness. i was originally a skeptic about whether those were my strengths, but now i believe it wholeheartedly.
9) i have a deep desire to change the world.
10) most of the time, i just need time to talk things through aloud with someone in order to make sense of something. i don't necessarily need anyone to talk back or give advice, i just need someone to listen to me ramble on and on until i can come to grips with something.
so there it is...10 things that you might not know about me that might be helpful...:) hope you enjoyed that...
now i hope that you will enjoy some pictures of my life from this semester...
@ my birthday party in January...
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@ the Alpha Beta Acceptance Party with my super awesome roomie...
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@ sing practice with the AWESOME kara bunting...
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@ sing with my partners in crime...torrey and sally...
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@ crush with one of my AWESOME great grandlittles caitlin
@ semi-formal with our stinking sweet DJ's
@ steppin' out with Aaron and Aaryka
Monday, January 7, 2008
Life right now...
be prepared for a really long post...
in all seriousness, i do have a lot to write about but i'm not sure i'm going to be able to get through all of it tonight...:) it will happen eventually...:)
so, i've been in l-town for the last 4 weeks hanging out on Christmas break. it's had its ups and downs, but overall it has been a good break. my nephews have been here two different times and we've had a lot of fun doing things like making santas with cotton ball beards, going to the farm, and playing guitar hero! :) the middle nephew loves guitar hero. while he is horrible at playing (he's only 3), he loves to dance around and play air guitar. it's been so much fun. i've also gotten to have lots of craft time with my mom. i made a little scrapbook for my summer missions partner and sent it to her. my mom got some cool new "toys" for Christmas so i've enjoyed getting to use those! :) i love being crafty which again confirms that i am my mother's daughter. :) my extended family has been crazy as ever over the break, but what's new? i wish we could go back to the days of them not being so crazy and the days when i didn't have to be so careful about what i said around who, but i know that will never happen. yay for family drama. i've been to two weddings and a wedding shower over the break as well. i'm kinda getting sick of being in this stage of life where everyone is getting married, but i know that there is no end in sight in the near future. oh well. they were both beautiful weddings and i'm really happy for the newly married couples, but it makes me wish i was going to my own at times. the wedding shower was a lot of fun. it was for one of my friends that's about 6 years older than me. she's been an incredible influence in my life as well as and amazing encouragement. i'm so excited that she's finally found "the one." i'm super excited about going to the wedding in february. now i just need to find a date...anyone have any suggestions? i refuse to go to another wedding alone.
now onto more serious stuff...
i have always struggled with contentment and the last few months have been no different. when i came home from california, i prayed that God would help me be content with where i was---back in texas, at baylor, finishing up college---because i really just wanted to be in california. anyway, i didn't do well with being content. i went through phases of life when i was just really unhappy with where i was and the person i was. my relationship with God was like a roller coaster and really unpredictable. i had days when i was really moody and a really bad friend. i dealt with the whole being back at baylor and in texas in a really crappy way. i was so discontent with myself and my life that i didn't even know what to do with myself at times.
anyway, this whole break my mom has been constantly badgering me about "what is wrong" and why i am not the same joyful person i was at one time. i denied that there was anything wrong until a little over a week ago, when i just could not take it anymore. the last week has been life-changing in many ways. God has really shown me the error of my ways and is putting me back on the road He wants me on. i know that all of my problems aren't solved, but i'm trying my hardest to be content and live in freedom. i'm really excited to see where God takes me and how He works in my life. yesterday's sermon at church was about being willing to be prepared for what God wants to do in our lives, in the life of our church, and in the life of our community. it was really challenging, especially with all that has gone on in the last week.
so, that's a little bit about what God has been doing in my life and what has been going on with me lately. please pray for me...that i will stay on this track and be content and that God will continue to work in my life in awesome ways....
in all seriousness, i do have a lot to write about but i'm not sure i'm going to be able to get through all of it tonight...:) it will happen eventually...:)
so, i've been in l-town for the last 4 weeks hanging out on Christmas break. it's had its ups and downs, but overall it has been a good break. my nephews have been here two different times and we've had a lot of fun doing things like making santas with cotton ball beards, going to the farm, and playing guitar hero! :) the middle nephew loves guitar hero. while he is horrible at playing (he's only 3), he loves to dance around and play air guitar. it's been so much fun. i've also gotten to have lots of craft time with my mom. i made a little scrapbook for my summer missions partner and sent it to her. my mom got some cool new "toys" for Christmas so i've enjoyed getting to use those! :) i love being crafty which again confirms that i am my mother's daughter. :) my extended family has been crazy as ever over the break, but what's new? i wish we could go back to the days of them not being so crazy and the days when i didn't have to be so careful about what i said around who, but i know that will never happen. yay for family drama. i've been to two weddings and a wedding shower over the break as well. i'm kinda getting sick of being in this stage of life where everyone is getting married, but i know that there is no end in sight in the near future. oh well. they were both beautiful weddings and i'm really happy for the newly married couples, but it makes me wish i was going to my own at times. the wedding shower was a lot of fun. it was for one of my friends that's about 6 years older than me. she's been an incredible influence in my life as well as and amazing encouragement. i'm so excited that she's finally found "the one." i'm super excited about going to the wedding in february. now i just need to find a date...anyone have any suggestions? i refuse to go to another wedding alone.
now onto more serious stuff...
i have always struggled with contentment and the last few months have been no different. when i came home from california, i prayed that God would help me be content with where i was---back in texas, at baylor, finishing up college---because i really just wanted to be in california. anyway, i didn't do well with being content. i went through phases of life when i was just really unhappy with where i was and the person i was. my relationship with God was like a roller coaster and really unpredictable. i had days when i was really moody and a really bad friend. i dealt with the whole being back at baylor and in texas in a really crappy way. i was so discontent with myself and my life that i didn't even know what to do with myself at times.
anyway, this whole break my mom has been constantly badgering me about "what is wrong" and why i am not the same joyful person i was at one time. i denied that there was anything wrong until a little over a week ago, when i just could not take it anymore. the last week has been life-changing in many ways. God has really shown me the error of my ways and is putting me back on the road He wants me on. i know that all of my problems aren't solved, but i'm trying my hardest to be content and live in freedom. i'm really excited to see where God takes me and how He works in my life. yesterday's sermon at church was about being willing to be prepared for what God wants to do in our lives, in the life of our church, and in the life of our community. it was really challenging, especially with all that has gone on in the last week.
so, that's a little bit about what God has been doing in my life and what has been going on with me lately. please pray for me...that i will stay on this track and be content and that God will continue to work in my life in awesome ways....
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
It's Coming...
i haven't posted in a while...ok, almost a month...but i will...i promise...it's coming...but for now i will leave you with this...it's my new year's resolution of sorts...
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
-Colossians 1:9-12
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