Saturday, April 11, 2009
need a theme...
so i've decided that rather than just writing about my life on this blog that i need a theme...i need something funny (although I do not consider myself to be "funny") or sarcastic (now I know I am this) or serious...any suggestions would be welcome...
Monday, March 16, 2009
catch up...
i have attempted to keep this blog updated more this semester than in past semester, but it's proven difficult once again. there are so many things that rattle around in my head on a daily basis but to have the time and energy to write those out proves to be something i don't have much of.
so, to catch you up on the last couple of months...
i only have five weeks left at wbc. C-R-A-Z-Y. time has truly flown by. i have learned a lot not only about myself but also about my relationship with God and the call God has placed on my life.
i have applied for a church job. i really want it, but my prayer is that God's will would be done, not my own. i think it's a good fit for me and for the church, but we'll see what God has in store.
i am coming to love living in the city more and more, but small town texas is still very much a part of me. i notice this more and more as i spend time here. i love the city, but sometimes it is just too much for me.
i am an esfj on the meyers-briggs to the core. this is part of what i have learned about myself this semester.
i still want to change the world in a big way. the "macro" side of me has really come out this semester and i love it.
that's all for now...hasta luego!
so, to catch you up on the last couple of months...
i only have five weeks left at wbc. C-R-A-Z-Y. time has truly flown by. i have learned a lot not only about myself but also about my relationship with God and the call God has placed on my life.
i have applied for a church job. i really want it, but my prayer is that God's will would be done, not my own. i think it's a good fit for me and for the church, but we'll see what God has in store.
i am coming to love living in the city more and more, but small town texas is still very much a part of me. i notice this more and more as i spend time here. i love the city, but sometimes it is just too much for me.
i am an esfj on the meyers-briggs to the core. this is part of what i have learned about myself this semester.
i still want to change the world in a big way. the "macro" side of me has really come out this semester and i love it.
that's all for now...hasta luego!
Monday, February 9, 2009
a picture of my heart...
over the last several weeks this song has become a favorite of mine...i think it pretty much captures my heart right now...
Set the World on Fire
Britt Nicole
I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?
I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do
I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands
My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love Lord, use me
I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
so far...
it's hard to believe that i've been in dallas for 3 1/2 weeks! it's had its ups and downs and there have been moments when i have questioned why in the world i am here, but i must say that it's been an amazing journey thus far. it's difficult to put the experience into words, but i will try...
i. love. wbc. i couldn't ask for a better place to be this semester. it's an amazing place that has a great grasp of what it means to be the church, not only to the members of the congregation but to their community here in dallas and the rest of the world. it's a great thing to be a part of. not only is it a great internship experience, but other than my home church in l-town and my summer in california, i haven't been a part of a church that i have felt so loved and accepted. i look forward to going to chuch every sunday so that i can worship with this new family i have found. it's a-mazing.
the big city is ok. i didn't think i would be able to do it, i didn't think that dallas would be a place i could EVER be comfortable in, but i am realizing that it's really not that bad. while i am not sure i could do it forever, it's definitely a possibility for the short term. i enjoy everything being at my fingertips.
internship is slowly, but surely, happening. i have the awesome opportunity to work with GREAT people who are GREAT at their jobs/ministries. i am co-facilitating a grief group, which i feel extremely honored to be a part of. to be a part of the grieving process, to walk alongside these individuals, is truly sacred. i am getting to share my passion, social work, with individuals at wbc. i have met some amazing older adults from whom i can learn so much. planning service events for congregants so that they are able to give back to their communities is exciting and rewarding.
so, that's just a snapshot of life right now and a few thoughts about it. hope that life in your neck of the woods is going well.
i. love. wbc. i couldn't ask for a better place to be this semester. it's an amazing place that has a great grasp of what it means to be the church, not only to the members of the congregation but to their community here in dallas and the rest of the world. it's a great thing to be a part of. not only is it a great internship experience, but other than my home church in l-town and my summer in california, i haven't been a part of a church that i have felt so loved and accepted. i look forward to going to chuch every sunday so that i can worship with this new family i have found. it's a-mazing.
the big city is ok. i didn't think i would be able to do it, i didn't think that dallas would be a place i could EVER be comfortable in, but i am realizing that it's really not that bad. while i am not sure i could do it forever, it's definitely a possibility for the short term. i enjoy everything being at my fingertips.
internship is slowly, but surely, happening. i have the awesome opportunity to work with GREAT people who are GREAT at their jobs/ministries. i am co-facilitating a grief group, which i feel extremely honored to be a part of. to be a part of the grieving process, to walk alongside these individuals, is truly sacred. i am getting to share my passion, social work, with individuals at wbc. i have met some amazing older adults from whom i can learn so much. planning service events for congregants so that they are able to give back to their communities is exciting and rewarding.
so, that's just a snapshot of life right now and a few thoughts about it. hope that life in your neck of the woods is going well.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
update.
it's time for an update. this one might be short, but i hope to update more faithfully over the next several months so that this blog will actually prove to be functional rather than just something that exists.
some of the exciting happenings in my life over the last 6 months:
-survived (and enjoyed) an intense summer session of graduate school
-survived (and semi-enjoyed) an intense fall semester of graduate school
-learned that i love social work more than i could possibly imagine
-learning to be content with my relationship status
-learning to live with big questions
-learning to live with peace that passes all understanding
-learning to trust HIM in everything
-had my last "first day" of school
-moved to dallas and started my internship
-made amazing new friends in my graduate program
-celebrated the holidays with those that mean the most to me:my family!
-started 2009 in the middle of a cow pasture sitting on a four wheeler playing "gestapo" with my favorite teenagers while contemplating all of the exciting changes that are going to happen in the coming months
life is good right now. i can't imagine being anywhere else doing anything else. these are exciting times. i can't wait to see where God takes me.
some of the exciting happenings in my life over the last 6 months:
-survived (and enjoyed) an intense summer session of graduate school
-survived (and semi-enjoyed) an intense fall semester of graduate school
-learned that i love social work more than i could possibly imagine
-learning to be content with my relationship status
-learning to live with big questions
-learning to live with peace that passes all understanding
-learning to trust HIM in everything
-had my last "first day" of school
-moved to dallas and started my internship
-made amazing new friends in my graduate program
-celebrated the holidays with those that mean the most to me:my family!
-started 2009 in the middle of a cow pasture sitting on a four wheeler playing "gestapo" with my favorite teenagers while contemplating all of the exciting changes that are going to happen in the coming months
life is good right now. i can't imagine being anywhere else doing anything else. these are exciting times. i can't wait to see where God takes me.
Friday, July 18, 2008
quotes...
so, grad school is going well...it's tough, but it's good. i've never felt such a peace about being somewhere doing something in my life. it's incredible. i know that God has great things instore for me as i learn more about being a social worker and what that looks like in the context of the church. here are some of the quotes that have really stood out to me as i have worked the last couple of weeks...they have all to do with church social work/community ministry...they've changed my life...
“Good deeds and good news can’t and shouldn’t be separated. It’s not really ‘church’ if it’s not engaged in the life of the community through ministry and service to others.” –Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson, The Externally Focused Church (2004)
“It is not you who shapes God, it is God who shapes you
If then you are the work of God, await the hand of the artist
Who does all things in due season.
Offer God your heart, soft and tractable,
And keep the form in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
Lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of God’s fingers.”
-Irenaeus Shalem News, www.shalem.org
“We love because God first loved us; worthiness is not a factor.” –Legacies of Care
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” -1 Peter 4:8-10 (NIV)
“To believe you can approach transcendence without drawing nearer in compassion to suffering humanity is to fool yourself. There can be no genuine personal religious conversion without a change in social attitude.” –William Sloane Coffin, Credo
“To find the kingdom is the easiest thing in the world but also the most difficult. Easy because it is all around you and within you, and all you have to do is reach out and take possession of it. Difficult because if you wish to possess the kingdom you may possess nothing else. That is, you must drop all inward leaning on any person or thing, withdrawing from them forever the power to thrill you, or excite you, or to give you a feeling of security or well-being. For this you first need to see with unflinching clarity this simple and shattering truth: Contrary to what your culture and religion have taught you, nothing, but absolutely nothing can make you happy. The moment you see that, you will stop moving from one job to another, one place, one spiritual technique, one guru to another. None of these things can give you a single minute of happiness.” –Anthony de Mello, The Way to Love
“Good deeds and good news can’t and shouldn’t be separated. It’s not really ‘church’ if it’s not engaged in the life of the community through ministry and service to others.” –Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson, The Externally Focused Church (2004)
“It is not you who shapes God, it is God who shapes you
If then you are the work of God, await the hand of the artist
Who does all things in due season.
Offer God your heart, soft and tractable,
And keep the form in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
Lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of God’s fingers.”
-Irenaeus Shalem News, www.shalem.org
“We love because God first loved us; worthiness is not a factor.” –Legacies of Care
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” -1 Peter 4:8-10 (NIV)
“To believe you can approach transcendence without drawing nearer in compassion to suffering humanity is to fool yourself. There can be no genuine personal religious conversion without a change in social attitude.” –William Sloane Coffin, Credo
“To find the kingdom is the easiest thing in the world but also the most difficult. Easy because it is all around you and within you, and all you have to do is reach out and take possession of it. Difficult because if you wish to possess the kingdom you may possess nothing else. That is, you must drop all inward leaning on any person or thing, withdrawing from them forever the power to thrill you, or excite you, or to give you a feeling of security or well-being. For this you first need to see with unflinching clarity this simple and shattering truth: Contrary to what your culture and religion have taught you, nothing, but absolutely nothing can make you happy. The moment you see that, you will stop moving from one job to another, one place, one spiritual technique, one guru to another. None of these things can give you a single minute of happiness.” –Anthony de Mello, The Way to Love
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
jonah
since graduation i have been working at the church i grew up in l-town as the children's ministry intern. i have a week left and it's another bittersweet ending in my life. i have enjoyed my time here, but i'm ready to go back to baylor and start graduate school. i believe that my calling has become more defined and clear and i'm ready to get back to school so that i can continue to work through all of that. bring it on grad school.
in other happenings, i have been leading the children's Bible study/worship on sunday evenings for the past month. it's been an experience because there are only like 2-5 kids there every week, but i think i have learned more than i've ever been able to teach them. we've been studying stories in the Old Testament in the context of the history of the world. hopefully it hasn't been as boring as it sounds here. :) we've studied creation, the exodus, and king david so far. as i have read these stories again that i have read and heard a thousand times, God has been so faithful to provide new insight and new learning to me. i hope i have been able to convey that to the kids that come on sunday nights.
so anyway, the point of this blog is to share some of those things that God has been teaching me and some things i've noticed for the firsr time this week as i have studied the good 'ole story of jonah.
-jonah told the other people on the boat what he was doing---running away from the Lord. wow. jonah knew exactly what he was doing when he ran away and he still did it. why don't i realize that that is what i am doing when i start to run away? why do i still go when i do realize what i'm doing? wouldn't it be easier to stop and turn back to God? jonah sure did have to go through a lot before he decided to follow the Lord again.
-after jonah told the men to throw him in the sea, the men in the boat continued to try to fix the situation themselves. "instead, the men did their best to row back to land" (v. 13). that is me to a T! even after i've been given some sort of direction, i still try to do things on my own so many times because i think that my way is still the best way. why am i such an idiot sometimes?? just like the men in the boat, it's only when i finally realize that i can't do it my way do i cry out to the Lord.
-it usually takes a lot longer than 3 days and 3 nights "in the belly of a big fish" for me to figure out that i need to turn back to God and follow Him in obedience, but i'm working on it. i'm working at obeying Him when He calls.
-i can identify with jonah on so many levels with the whole "getting angry at God because He is a compassionate God" thing. why in the world am i like this? what am i thinking? do i really think i have a right to be mad at God because He has grace and compassion on other people that i think deserve His wrath? i know i have a long way to go in this area, i think we all probably do, but i'm working on it. i'm working to love people more every day and see them with God's eyes and not my own.
-God is concerned about those that are not on the path that lead to Him. He has called me to love those people and meet them where they are and allow Him to draw them to Himself. He has called me to walk alongside them and show them what loving people and loving Jesus is all about (even though it is obvious from this posting that i don't have that all figured out yet). i love it and can't wait to continue to work fulfill this calling.
God has been good this summer and He will continue to be good. He has taught me so much. i can't wait to continue to learn and grow deeper in Him. i can't wait to see what's next. i want to be more like Him and less like myself.
in other happenings, i have been leading the children's Bible study/worship on sunday evenings for the past month. it's been an experience because there are only like 2-5 kids there every week, but i think i have learned more than i've ever been able to teach them. we've been studying stories in the Old Testament in the context of the history of the world. hopefully it hasn't been as boring as it sounds here. :) we've studied creation, the exodus, and king david so far. as i have read these stories again that i have read and heard a thousand times, God has been so faithful to provide new insight and new learning to me. i hope i have been able to convey that to the kids that come on sunday nights.
so anyway, the point of this blog is to share some of those things that God has been teaching me and some things i've noticed for the firsr time this week as i have studied the good 'ole story of jonah.
-jonah told the other people on the boat what he was doing---running away from the Lord. wow. jonah knew exactly what he was doing when he ran away and he still did it. why don't i realize that that is what i am doing when i start to run away? why do i still go when i do realize what i'm doing? wouldn't it be easier to stop and turn back to God? jonah sure did have to go through a lot before he decided to follow the Lord again.
-after jonah told the men to throw him in the sea, the men in the boat continued to try to fix the situation themselves. "instead, the men did their best to row back to land" (v. 13). that is me to a T! even after i've been given some sort of direction, i still try to do things on my own so many times because i think that my way is still the best way. why am i such an idiot sometimes?? just like the men in the boat, it's only when i finally realize that i can't do it my way do i cry out to the Lord.
-it usually takes a lot longer than 3 days and 3 nights "in the belly of a big fish" for me to figure out that i need to turn back to God and follow Him in obedience, but i'm working on it. i'm working at obeying Him when He calls.
-i can identify with jonah on so many levels with the whole "getting angry at God because He is a compassionate God" thing. why in the world am i like this? what am i thinking? do i really think i have a right to be mad at God because He has grace and compassion on other people that i think deserve His wrath? i know i have a long way to go in this area, i think we all probably do, but i'm working on it. i'm working to love people more every day and see them with God's eyes and not my own.
-God is concerned about those that are not on the path that lead to Him. He has called me to love those people and meet them where they are and allow Him to draw them to Himself. He has called me to walk alongside them and show them what loving people and loving Jesus is all about (even though it is obvious from this posting that i don't have that all figured out yet). i love it and can't wait to continue to work fulfill this calling.
God has been good this summer and He will continue to be good. He has taught me so much. i can't wait to continue to learn and grow deeper in Him. i can't wait to see what's next. i want to be more like Him and less like myself.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Endings...
it's here...the end of college...i'm still not exactly sure how i feel about all of these things...but i decided to post anyway...so here goes for all 2 people out there that read this...
internship---i've done... i finished up my hours on thursday but i went back yesterday to get my evaluation signed and take care of some other paperwork. it was sad. i can't believe i have spent 480 hours there this year investing not only in the lives of clients, but also the lives of my coworkers other interns. i am going to miss walking into chaos and crisis every tuesday and thursday. my roommate is hoping that i won't create crisis in my life as a method of coping with this change.
KXA---senior send off was last night...i'm still here, but just barely. i never thought i would see the day when i was sad to leave because of all of the crap i had to deal with while i was the president and just drama in general, but i was truly sad to leave. most of my college memories have kxa in them and it will always be a part of my life because it has helped shaped who i am. i know that the friends that i made while in kxa will continue to be my friends (hopefully), but it will be difficult to know what to do with myself on tuesdays @ 6pm.
class---this one isn't sad. i'm so glad that it's over and the next time i'm in class it is because i have truly chosen to take those classes and they are something i am genuinely interested in. i am looking forward to not having to take math or science ever again...:)
undergrad in general---i've realized that saying "goodbye" is something that i am not good at AT ALL...i hate the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it...i know, i'm staying here to go to the grad school, but still, having to say goodbye for the summer is brutal...thank goodness i am going to be back in a few weeks...:)
i know that it will survive all of this, but it's been a little rough. i want to be able to celebrate everything that is going on and truly enjoy everything that is happening this week, but i find that hard to do. it's hard too because my friends are all dealing with this in really different ways and there aren't too many that are sad/sentimental about everything that is going on. but, i'm doing better every day...a little less sad, a little more happy...:)
internship---i've done... i finished up my hours on thursday but i went back yesterday to get my evaluation signed and take care of some other paperwork. it was sad. i can't believe i have spent 480 hours there this year investing not only in the lives of clients, but also the lives of my coworkers other interns. i am going to miss walking into chaos and crisis every tuesday and thursday. my roommate is hoping that i won't create crisis in my life as a method of coping with this change.
KXA---senior send off was last night...i'm still here, but just barely. i never thought i would see the day when i was sad to leave because of all of the crap i had to deal with while i was the president and just drama in general, but i was truly sad to leave. most of my college memories have kxa in them and it will always be a part of my life because it has helped shaped who i am. i know that the friends that i made while in kxa will continue to be my friends (hopefully), but it will be difficult to know what to do with myself on tuesdays @ 6pm.
class---this one isn't sad. i'm so glad that it's over and the next time i'm in class it is because i have truly chosen to take those classes and they are something i am genuinely interested in. i am looking forward to not having to take math or science ever again...:)
undergrad in general---i've realized that saying "goodbye" is something that i am not good at AT ALL...i hate the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it...i know, i'm staying here to go to the grad school, but still, having to say goodbye for the summer is brutal...thank goodness i am going to be back in a few weeks...:)
i know that it will survive all of this, but it's been a little rough. i want to be able to celebrate everything that is going on and truly enjoy everything that is happening this week, but i find that hard to do. it's hard too because my friends are all dealing with this in really different ways and there aren't too many that are sad/sentimental about everything that is going on. but, i'm doing better every day...a little less sad, a little more happy...:)
Friday, April 18, 2008
a list...
so, i guess it's time for me to update this thing a little bit. there have been several times throughout the semester that i've considered writing, but i could never get a good grasp on what i wanted to write about or begin to try to put my thoughts and emotions about this being my last semester at school into words...
so instead of writing about what i'm doing or how i'm feeling, i thought i would start off with a list of things you might should know about me if you don't already know...i started it in my psychology of religion class today because i was bored and i've been thinking about some of these things a lot lately. there could probably be an entire post about each one of them...maybe someday i'll get around to that...so...here goes...:)
1) i complain about things that i really love. (Ex-my internship @ Child Protective Services...i complain about having to go twice a week, but in my heart i love it and i am going to miss it so much).
2) i am not very adventurous by nature, but i am learning how to be a little more each day.
3) i have an extreme love/hate relationship with my extended family.
4) i struggle with disclosing too much information about myself, especially with members of the opposite gender.
5) i may appear to think highly of myself, but i don't. sometimes i have self-esteem issues.
6) my nephews are the loves of my life. i will know when i have found "mr. right" because i will love him more than i love them.
7) i am not sure why, but large crisis events/situations are very interesting to me (Ex-El Dorado Polygamists situation, Branch Davidians, etc).
8) according to the StrengthsFinder, my strengths are Belief, Developer, Maximizer, Relator, Connectedness. i was originally a skeptic about whether those were my strengths, but now i believe it wholeheartedly.
9) i have a deep desire to change the world.
10) most of the time, i just need time to talk things through aloud with someone in order to make sense of something. i don't necessarily need anyone to talk back or give advice, i just need someone to listen to me ramble on and on until i can come to grips with something.
so there it is...10 things that you might not know about me that might be helpful...:) hope you enjoyed that...
now i hope that you will enjoy some pictures of my life from this semester...
@ my birthday party in January...
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@ the Alpha Beta Acceptance Party with my super awesome roomie...
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@ sing practice with the AWESOME kara bunting...
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@ sing with my partners in crime...torrey and sally...
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@ crush with one of my AWESOME great grandlittles caitlin
@ semi-formal with our stinking sweet DJ's
@ steppin' out with Aaron and Aaryka
Monday, January 7, 2008
Life right now...
be prepared for a really long post...
in all seriousness, i do have a lot to write about but i'm not sure i'm going to be able to get through all of it tonight...:) it will happen eventually...:)
so, i've been in l-town for the last 4 weeks hanging out on Christmas break. it's had its ups and downs, but overall it has been a good break. my nephews have been here two different times and we've had a lot of fun doing things like making santas with cotton ball beards, going to the farm, and playing guitar hero! :) the middle nephew loves guitar hero. while he is horrible at playing (he's only 3), he loves to dance around and play air guitar. it's been so much fun. i've also gotten to have lots of craft time with my mom. i made a little scrapbook for my summer missions partner and sent it to her. my mom got some cool new "toys" for Christmas so i've enjoyed getting to use those! :) i love being crafty which again confirms that i am my mother's daughter. :) my extended family has been crazy as ever over the break, but what's new? i wish we could go back to the days of them not being so crazy and the days when i didn't have to be so careful about what i said around who, but i know that will never happen. yay for family drama. i've been to two weddings and a wedding shower over the break as well. i'm kinda getting sick of being in this stage of life where everyone is getting married, but i know that there is no end in sight in the near future. oh well. they were both beautiful weddings and i'm really happy for the newly married couples, but it makes me wish i was going to my own at times. the wedding shower was a lot of fun. it was for one of my friends that's about 6 years older than me. she's been an incredible influence in my life as well as and amazing encouragement. i'm so excited that she's finally found "the one." i'm super excited about going to the wedding in february. now i just need to find a date...anyone have any suggestions? i refuse to go to another wedding alone.
now onto more serious stuff...
i have always struggled with contentment and the last few months have been no different. when i came home from california, i prayed that God would help me be content with where i was---back in texas, at baylor, finishing up college---because i really just wanted to be in california. anyway, i didn't do well with being content. i went through phases of life when i was just really unhappy with where i was and the person i was. my relationship with God was like a roller coaster and really unpredictable. i had days when i was really moody and a really bad friend. i dealt with the whole being back at baylor and in texas in a really crappy way. i was so discontent with myself and my life that i didn't even know what to do with myself at times.
anyway, this whole break my mom has been constantly badgering me about "what is wrong" and why i am not the same joyful person i was at one time. i denied that there was anything wrong until a little over a week ago, when i just could not take it anymore. the last week has been life-changing in many ways. God has really shown me the error of my ways and is putting me back on the road He wants me on. i know that all of my problems aren't solved, but i'm trying my hardest to be content and live in freedom. i'm really excited to see where God takes me and how He works in my life. yesterday's sermon at church was about being willing to be prepared for what God wants to do in our lives, in the life of our church, and in the life of our community. it was really challenging, especially with all that has gone on in the last week.
so, that's a little bit about what God has been doing in my life and what has been going on with me lately. please pray for me...that i will stay on this track and be content and that God will continue to work in my life in awesome ways....
in all seriousness, i do have a lot to write about but i'm not sure i'm going to be able to get through all of it tonight...:) it will happen eventually...:)
so, i've been in l-town for the last 4 weeks hanging out on Christmas break. it's had its ups and downs, but overall it has been a good break. my nephews have been here two different times and we've had a lot of fun doing things like making santas with cotton ball beards, going to the farm, and playing guitar hero! :) the middle nephew loves guitar hero. while he is horrible at playing (he's only 3), he loves to dance around and play air guitar. it's been so much fun. i've also gotten to have lots of craft time with my mom. i made a little scrapbook for my summer missions partner and sent it to her. my mom got some cool new "toys" for Christmas so i've enjoyed getting to use those! :) i love being crafty which again confirms that i am my mother's daughter. :) my extended family has been crazy as ever over the break, but what's new? i wish we could go back to the days of them not being so crazy and the days when i didn't have to be so careful about what i said around who, but i know that will never happen. yay for family drama. i've been to two weddings and a wedding shower over the break as well. i'm kinda getting sick of being in this stage of life where everyone is getting married, but i know that there is no end in sight in the near future. oh well. they were both beautiful weddings and i'm really happy for the newly married couples, but it makes me wish i was going to my own at times. the wedding shower was a lot of fun. it was for one of my friends that's about 6 years older than me. she's been an incredible influence in my life as well as and amazing encouragement. i'm so excited that she's finally found "the one." i'm super excited about going to the wedding in february. now i just need to find a date...anyone have any suggestions? i refuse to go to another wedding alone.
now onto more serious stuff...
i have always struggled with contentment and the last few months have been no different. when i came home from california, i prayed that God would help me be content with where i was---back in texas, at baylor, finishing up college---because i really just wanted to be in california. anyway, i didn't do well with being content. i went through phases of life when i was just really unhappy with where i was and the person i was. my relationship with God was like a roller coaster and really unpredictable. i had days when i was really moody and a really bad friend. i dealt with the whole being back at baylor and in texas in a really crappy way. i was so discontent with myself and my life that i didn't even know what to do with myself at times.
anyway, this whole break my mom has been constantly badgering me about "what is wrong" and why i am not the same joyful person i was at one time. i denied that there was anything wrong until a little over a week ago, when i just could not take it anymore. the last week has been life-changing in many ways. God has really shown me the error of my ways and is putting me back on the road He wants me on. i know that all of my problems aren't solved, but i'm trying my hardest to be content and live in freedom. i'm really excited to see where God takes me and how He works in my life. yesterday's sermon at church was about being willing to be prepared for what God wants to do in our lives, in the life of our church, and in the life of our community. it was really challenging, especially with all that has gone on in the last week.
so, that's a little bit about what God has been doing in my life and what has been going on with me lately. please pray for me...that i will stay on this track and be content and that God will continue to work in my life in awesome ways....
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
It's Coming...
i haven't posted in a while...ok, almost a month...but i will...i promise...it's coming...but for now i will leave you with this...it's my new year's resolution of sorts...
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
-Colossians 1:9-12
Friday, December 7, 2007
letting go...
the last two weeks have been pretty crazy, with finishing up projects and studying for finals (i only have 2) and finishing up KXA-related stuff. i've been reminded on more than one occasion that moving on is a hard, but amazingly wonderful thing. for the last year and a half, my life has been one of eating, sleeping, and breathing KXA. while i have loved (almost) every minute of it, it has been good to go through the "letting go" process over the last couple of weeks. it is a bittersweet time, just like sarah told me it would be. i have loved serving and leading, but i am ready for someone else to be the one to answer everyone's questions and fix everyone's problems. i'm ready for someone else to deal with all of the griping and complaining. i'm ready for someone else to have to the joy of leading this groupw of amazing young women. i'm ready to have true friends again. i'm ready to be involved in what i want to be involved in instead of always feeling pressured to do everything. i'm ready to figure out what is next for me.
i know it's not going to be easy, completely letting go that is. i know that over Christmas break i am going to have to do a lot of soul searching and asking God to give me a pure heart. i know i will have a tendency to be jealous and envious. but, i will get through it. i will move on. i will have true friends again. i will be involved in other things. i will let go. God, help me let go.
i know it's not going to be easy, completely letting go that is. i know that over Christmas break i am going to have to do a lot of soul searching and asking God to give me a pure heart. i know i will have a tendency to be jealous and envious. but, i will get through it. i will move on. i will have true friends again. i will be involved in other things. i will let go. God, help me let go.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving
I've started writing this post several times about my break, but I can't seem to make up my mind about what I want to post.
So, I'll just say that my Thanksgiving was good. I got to see my nephews and I got to do some really fun stuff. I got to go to church on Sunday and it was fantabulous. I thought alot about what is next for me after May 17, 2008 and whether or not that includes Livingston and CBC.
I guess what I'm asking of you is to pray for me. Pray that I'll make the right decisions about my future. Pray that I'll be committed to my new way of living (eating better, exercising more, getting up earlier to have time with God).
Things I am especially thankful for at this time of the year:
-my family
-my relationships with my mom and dad
-CBC
-best friends
So, I'll just say that my Thanksgiving was good. I got to see my nephews and I got to do some really fun stuff. I got to go to church on Sunday and it was fantabulous. I thought alot about what is next for me after May 17, 2008 and whether or not that includes Livingston and CBC.
I guess what I'm asking of you is to pray for me. Pray that I'll make the right decisions about my future. Pray that I'll be committed to my new way of living (eating better, exercising more, getting up earlier to have time with God).
Things I am especially thankful for at this time of the year:
-my family
-my relationships with my mom and dad
-CBC
-best friends
Friday, November 16, 2007
Freedom
From Merriam-Webster:
Freedom: 1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence
Free: 3 a: relieved from or lacking something and especially something unpleasant or burdensome often used in combination
But, this morning I had a revelation. I need to walk in freedom every single day. I have to quit putting those chains back on. I have to quit stressing myself out because I am putting those chains on. This summer and the beginning of this semester were absolutely incredible---I was able to enjoy myself and enjoy life and walk in freedom every day. I was close to God and loved it. Today I take those chains off again.
Sorry for the semi-depressing blog today...it's been on my heart all day. More exciting things are to come...:)
Happy Thanksgiving!
And now...for some lyrics...
Newsboys - I Am Free
Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
I am free
I am free to run(I am free to run)
I am free to dance(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you(I am free to live for you)
I am free(I am free)
Yes, I am free(I am free)
Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
I am free
Are you free?
I am free
Augustana-Boston
In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost,
Eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed,
You said
You don't know me,
You don't even care, oh yeah
She said
You don't know me,
You don't wear my chains,oh yeah
Essential yet appealed,
Carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said
You don't know me,
You don't even care, oh yeah
She said
You don't know me
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah
She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town
to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of the sunset
I hear it's nice in the Summer
Some snow would be nice, oh yeah,
You don't know me, you don't even care...
Boston
Where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name
Where no one knows my name
Yeah Boston
Where no one knows my name.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
My First...
I decided this weekend that I really enjoyed blogging this summer and that it's a great way for people to be able to keep up with what's going on in each other's lives, so here I am again.
Let's see...what's new with me?
I am graduating in less than 200 days! YIKES! I am currently trying to decide what to do next---grad school, work, something else? I am waiting to hear back from Baylor School of Social Work about whether or not I got into the Master's of Social Work Program. Hopefully I will hear from them soon, but who knows. Over the last several weeks I have doubts that grad school is what I am supposed to do next year. I know that for what I eventually want to do (church social work), it's the best thing for me at this time, but I am beginning to wonder if God has something different in store. I was kind of offered a job somewhere this summer that I would LOVE to take, but because grad school starts in July, I don't think I'm going to be able to take it. I have some talking to do over Thanksgiving to see exactly what the job would entail so we'll see. I just hate being confused. When I came back from California, I was so clear about what I was going to do---go to grad school, do church social work, and someday move back to California. Now it's all muddy again. At any rate, I know that God will show me in His time...I just wish sometimes that He would hurry up.
In other news, my time as President of KXA is almost over. Only a couple of more weeks. It's definitely bittersweet. There are so many more things I would love to do, but I know that it's time to move on as well. Yay for change!!!! :)
Well, this is my first lame attempt to blog about my life...so stay tuned...hopefully it'll get more interesting...:)
Let's see...what's new with me?
I am graduating in less than 200 days! YIKES! I am currently trying to decide what to do next---grad school, work, something else? I am waiting to hear back from Baylor School of Social Work about whether or not I got into the Master's of Social Work Program. Hopefully I will hear from them soon, but who knows. Over the last several weeks I have doubts that grad school is what I am supposed to do next year. I know that for what I eventually want to do (church social work), it's the best thing for me at this time, but I am beginning to wonder if God has something different in store. I was kind of offered a job somewhere this summer that I would LOVE to take, but because grad school starts in July, I don't think I'm going to be able to take it. I have some talking to do over Thanksgiving to see exactly what the job would entail so we'll see. I just hate being confused. When I came back from California, I was so clear about what I was going to do---go to grad school, do church social work, and someday move back to California. Now it's all muddy again. At any rate, I know that God will show me in His time...I just wish sometimes that He would hurry up.
In other news, my time as President of KXA is almost over. Only a couple of more weeks. It's definitely bittersweet. There are so many more things I would love to do, but I know that it's time to move on as well. Yay for change!!!! :)
Well, this is my first lame attempt to blog about my life...so stay tuned...hopefully it'll get more interesting...:)
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